Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Beer Archives: Capital Grateful Red, April 2015


I hate this. I hate the Grateful Dead, I hate tie-dyed bullshit, I hate those fucking dancing bears, I hate all the lazy-ass 60s hippie cliches. So I had no inspiration for this one, I froze up, and I crapped this garbage out in a rush. Sorry, Capital Brewery.


The Beer Archives: O’so Dr’s Bock, March 2015


“Oh, that one will be easy,” they said. “It’s like ‘Spock,’ right? You’re a nerd, so it’s right up your alley.” No. Well, yes, I am a nerd. So that made it harder. Spock, you see, is indeed the Star Trek character. But Dr. Spock refers to Benjamin Spock, the only famous pediatrician to have existed. And what the hell am I supposed to do with a reference to a kids’ doctor? This one screwed me. Go with the obvious (but wrong!) sci-fi nod? No sir. But go with the correct reference and I’ve got a beer in a diaper and everyone’s confused. Pain in the ass.

In the end I gave up and threw this together. Whatever.

The Beer Archives: Door County Brewing Silurian Stout, February 2015


SCIENCE! Silurian, you see, is the geologic period between the Ordovician and the Devonian. About 420 million years ago, give or take. Door County Brewing calls this beer “a tribute to the time when the Silurian Sea covered the Great Lakes region,” which I’m sure makes the era very proud.

As you may have guessed, I’m quite the dork about these things, so I made the design look like an old science textbook. Those fossils are accurate for the Silurian period, by the way. Impressed? No? I’m not surprised.

The Beer Archives: Belgian Red, January 2015


Yes, it’s called “Belgian Red.” So I can see where one might be laboring under the misapprehension that this could be a malty ale or lager, if one has been limited to Killian’s Irish Red or some such. That’s why there are cherries. Hell, it says “cherries” right there on top. And it’s clearly served in a snifter. Cherries. Fruit. Tart. Surely the consumers will be able to figure this out, yes?

No. Of course not. “Oh geez, I didn’t think this would be so fruity.” It’s a good thing I only overhear this stuff and not have to deal with people directly. I don’t have the chops for it.

Oh, and the design? Meh.

The Beer Archives: Potosi Holiday Bock, December 2014


So… here’s the thing about this. My original design for this beer was deemed a bit much for a family crowd. I was “working blue,” apparently. In truth, I was just being lazy and the female silhouette I utilized was better suited to a trucker’s mudflaps. So this was my replacement, and it’s better. Frosty has an implacable expression that I admire and often attempt to emulate without success.

While there are varying explanations as to the origins of the term “working blue,” my 1960 copy of the Dictionary of American Slang (compiled and edited by Wentworth and Flexner, bless ’em) suggests that the connection with lewdness may arise from the fact that “the color of blue is associated with burning brimstone.” Seems as good an explanation as any.

The Beer Archives: Staghorn Octoberfest, September 2014


I like this. I really do. If there’s any flaw at all it’s the gap between the “approved” seal in the upper left and the word “New,” but if that’s all I’m bitching about then we’re in pretty good shape.

I’d been looking at the book Bat-Manga! The Secret History of Batman in Japan. The Japanese dialogue in the word bubbles had been replaced by an English translation, and there was just something about the look that struck me as funny. So I decided to do that here, but with German. After all, there is no sweeter sound that the German language, right?

I believe the exchange goes something like this:

“I have a great thirst.”

“I have the solution to your problem!”

“Please tell me your answer.”

“Beverages at a very reasonable price!”

Something like that, anyway. Google did it for me. I understand that servers were asked by their customers to translate. Suckers.

The Beer Archives: Lakefront Extended Play, August 2014


So here’s how this works: There’s a new beer special each month. Printing of signs takes a handful of days, at least. This means that I need to have a design finished a good week or so out from the start of a new month. So if you notice a particularly half-assed design, it more than likely means that I was under the gun. And so it was with this guy here.

This piece was conceived, sketched, and designed in the span of about two hours on July 31, 2014.  I can’t remember why I was so behind the eight ball, but I vividly recall the frantic process by which this came to life. I consumed equal parts coffee and beer while sketching the thing up, then sucked down a gallon or so of iced coffee while hunched over my laptop at a nearby coffeeshop with decent wifi. There may have been other chemicals involved as well. It’s not good, but there is sort of a lunatic jittery quality that comes through. It still gives me the shakes.

Anyway. Sorry, Lakefront. Sorry, printing company. Sorry, everybody. It won’t happen again. (Yes it will.)